Assassin’s Creed III: Bugs, Dogs, and Outhouses

I’m a Gamer.  Capital “G”, thank you, and I have been an avid gamer since the Bronze Age of Pong when King Atari ruled the universe.

I’m a HUGE fan of the Ubisoft Assassin’s Creed series.  HUGE. FAN.  IMO, definitely the best game series of all time.

Elder Scrolls are a close second.

Splinter Cell series (also by Ubisoft) close third.

Anyhow, I’m still playing AC: III, which is set during the American Revolution, and like the other games in the series, Ubisoft gets A++ for historical accuracy, graphics, and amazing detail to…well…everything.


This AC game, UNLIKE the others, is BUGGY.  Man, it’s buggy.  Like, interrupts my gameplay and makes me reboot the PS3 buggy.

I forgive you Ubisoft, and your apparently distracted beta testers, but in order to make it up to me, you need to release a few free DLCs.  HINT HINT

I also forgive you because you added two VITAL elements to this game that made my old gamer heart go pitter patter:

I can pet the animals. I mean *cough* Connor, the Assassins that you play, can pet dogs, cats, pigs…and the critters have all of these really cute reactions to your petting them: the doggies roll on their backs and show you their bellies.  The cats meow “TUNA” loudly and walk between your legs.  (What?  It’s not “tuna” they’re meowing?  Obviously, you don’t speak KETEHSE, my friend…trust me, they ARE indeed saying “tuna”!)

Outhouses.   It has always bothered my little OCD heart that most games do NOT provide any sort of waste facility for the living creatures in the game.  Namely, there are never bathrooms, toilets to be specific, in games.  Really bugs me, too. (Pardon the pun!)

Game designers are starting to rethink that.  Red Dead Redemption had outhouses AND bathrooms…complete with toilets, sinks, and such; at least the late 19th century version of them.  Some were even totally and characteristically filthy…like the bathroom in the ‘ho house.  Jes sayin.

AC:III has outhouses that are accurate to the 18th century.  They even have a funny cut scene where Connor has to knock on the door of an outhouse where another character is hiding…maybe you had to be there, but it was funny.

So, what have we learned from this experience?  That rubbing the virtual tummies of virtual dogs and having a virtual outhouse for my virtual alter ego totally makes up for a buggy game release.

That is all.

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